Eating for Peace

Here we go...

Out of all of the goals I have set for #ProjectNorway, this one is going to be the toughest.  I almost didn't make a goal related to food consumption because, if I'm transparent and honest, I'm afraid I won't keep this one.  But, if my goal is to have overall wellness and peace, how do I ignore my biggest challenge?  I don't.  I can't.  Darn it.  So, here we go with Goal #2.

My Love Affair with Food

You see, the thing is, I really like food.  I love eating it, obviously.  But, anyone can love eating food. I have a much deeper, more special relationship with food.  I love to think about it.  I love cooking it.  I love thinking about cooking it.  I love buying food.  I love looking at food.  I love meal planning and party planning.  I love pot lucks and thinking of something fun to bring.  I love discovering interesting restaurants and trying out interesting cuisine.  Some of my very favorite books are cook books.  I love healthy food, junk food, Asian food, Swedish food, and any other ethnicity you can think of.  Most of my favorite smells are food related smells.  I even post pictures of food on Instagram and don't feel one bit bad about it either.  Food is pretty!  The only food I don't like is fish/seafood (I've tried, really, I have!) and probably all that weird stuff they made people eat on Fear Factor.  

A picture from my Instagram account from a time that I got to eat fabulous Indian food with a great friend.  I did not take a picture of myself with that friend that evening, but I had this picture of my food.

Emotional eating is pretty much what has gotten me through every tough thing I've ever gone through.  I've had times when I couldn't eat because the shock of whatever I was facing was just.too.much.  My friends or family would coax me to eat and make me eat a Whopper Jr. so they knew I was getting some nutrition (I realize attributing any nutrition to a Whopper Jr. is  a stretch, but we were in dire times!).  But, after a few weeks of that craziness, I always settled right into my normal strategy of eating every carb in sight (often covered in some form of cheese).  

Breaking up with Food

I've tried to break up with food about a thousand kajillion times in my life.  I've battled this with food plans, diet plans, fitness plans, shakes, but I have never had much success.  You see, I do everything "the best."  And if I'm not "the best," I don't do it.  So, when I messed up doing any one of these things, I'd feel angry and disappointed in myself and steep myself in a big cup of shame.  And guess who was always there to make me feel better?  You guessed it...food.  *sigh*  

Over time, food became my best friend and my greatest enemy.  Food was like that bad boyfriend that you feel you shouldn't date, but that was still sooooo cute.  I kept trying to break up, but there it would be looking all cute in my pantry.  (Ryan Reynolds has nothing on a bag of salt & vinegar potato chips).  I'd count those calories and watch those portion sizes and then eat a whole sleeve of Thin Mints (in my defense, they taste like they should be healthy.)

The problem is, you can't really break up with food.  If I were a smoker, I could just quit smoking.  But, unless I want to walk around with some sort of tube inserted in my body to give me just the amount of nutrition I need, I actually have to (get to?) consume food.  *double sigh*  

Forging a New Relationship

Breaking up with food is just not going to work.  And all of those plans...they are great.  I know they have worked for some people.  Maybe someday I will use them again.  But, I think right now, what I need to do is address the underlying problem.  

And the underlying problem is that I am searching for peace every dang place I can, but most often in my pantry.  In that crazy, frantic search, discernment has gone out the window and I'm just grabbing anything in hope that I will feel peace...even temporarily.  Anyone who has ever had a piece of Dove chocolate knows that one feels peace when that morsel hits your mouth.   But the peace is fleeting and most days I'm left feeling ashamed and angry with myself.  I'm sick of that.

I recently read something that Lysa Terkeurst posted on Facebook and it has inspired me to try something different.  She wrote: 

"I often ask myself this pivotal question before making a food choice: Will this choice add to my peace or steal from it? Remember, nothing tastes as good as peace feels."

So, no more diet plans, calorie counting, scales, or any of the other "stuff" I've been trying. I'm going to cook good, homemade food and I'm going to ask myself that question. Will this bring me peace? Every time I think about eating. Will this...this food before me...will it bring me peace?

I have no idea if this is going to work. And I don't know if I care. I'm not so much concerned with the number on the scale as much as how I feel inside about myself.  Don't get me wrong..it would be AWESOME to become a teensy bit less super-sized. However, my eye is on a new prize for now and that prize is loving myself.

I have no idea how we can walk together on this road.  If you struggle with food and its place in your life, just know I'm right there with you.  I will pray for peace in your life, especially when it comes to food, if you will pray for me.  Also, don't offer me treats unless you want to be called the devil. 

Hopefully yours, 

~Sara Renee