#oneword: Choosing JOY

It's been a while.... Hopefully blogging will be sort of like my friendship with my friend Kaia.  We can go months and months without a text or a phone call or a meet-up and then when we get together it's as though time never passed.  We pick up right where we left off.

Only, things will be different this go 'round.

Before I get to how things will be different, I need to provide a bit of context.  My friend Darren, who also blogs, has chosen words to define his focus for the coming year.  He's a self-professed twitter addict so it is fitting that this newish tradition is inspired by the #oneword hashtag.  He's so trendy...  That sound you hear is everyone in Mora laughing (including Darren).  

Choosing a defining word is different from a resolution, I think.  It's not a black and white "I'm going to do this or I'm a failure" kind of thing.  It's more like trying to live your life intentionally and with a defined purpose.  Last year, Darren's word was "Evolve."  This year, it is...  well, I don't know.  He will be revealing it on his blog, I believe.  

Since starting the Project Norway journey, I have been chasing...something.  I was writing and walking and "running" and contemplating and reflecting and struggling.  If I were to choose one word to define these past two years, it would be Sad.  Just so very sad.  I didn't want it to be sad, but I was sad.  When I re-read my posts, I go right back to those moments when I was in the throes of heartbreak and in the midst of the most devastating journey of self discovery.  Okay, maybe not the most devastating.  I mean, I wasn't martyred.  Still, it was devastating for me.

You all came alongside me and that was the greatest gift I've ever received.  I made it through to what seems to be the other side because so many people held me up and helped me limp through.  I will forever be grateful for that kindness.  

And now?

I have struggled to write on my blog because I've done so much of the hard work already.  I've grieved the loss of a great love in my life.  I've grieved the loss of the life I thought I would lead.  I've grieved the loss of privacy and anonymity and security.  I have cried all of the tears, sobbed all of the sobs, and felt all the awful, terrible, grey, murky feels.  What was there to write about anymore? Would anyone want to read if I'm no longer revealing and lurking in the darkness?  

Then, I remembered that this blog was never about an audience.  Not really.  I mean, I'm super happy that I have some readers.  I've had a few posts go relatively (small time) viral.  Obviously, if I'm bothering to publish this in a public forum, I'm hoping what I share will resonate.  But, I can't stay in the darkness...not to get blog views.  

So, I'm back, but this time (hopefully) things will be different.  And the word for 2018 is JOY.  I am choosing JOY.  I think it's choosing me, too.  Finally.  Fingers crossed.  

This year, I turn 40 years old.  I know.  It's crazy.  I mean, I don't even look that old (just nod in agreement, please).  I was kind of bummed about turning 40 [Cue track: "Hello, Darkness, my old friend..."].  Then, I was visiting with my best friend/soul sister/other half/kindred spirit/twin flame Lenea about turning 40 and we decided that we didn't want to succumb to the cliche that women fear growing older.  We decided to reframe this year and gave ourselves all of 2018 to do 40 things that bring us...you guessed it... JOY!  

So my plan for 2018 is to enjoy the heck out of it and then share that enjoyment with you.  Hopefully we will both enjoy this process and hopefully we can all choose joy in our own special ways.  I'll cheer you on if you cheer for me!  

With that, here is my plan for choosing JOY.  I have chosen things that allow me to enjoy the familiar and things that push me out of my comfort zone.  Some things are meant to help me feel good and establish wellness and others are about the most basic of giddiness.  All of them are things I enjoy or think I might enjoy.  A birthday I was dreading is now a birthday I am anticipating with excitement. It's now a birthday that I will be celebrating for an entire calendar year, because who can do all of these things on one day?  2018 will be my year for Joy.  I'm sure there will be setbacks.  Hopefully there will be no more earth shattering moments of awfulness.  Even if there is, however, I'm going to do my darndest to choose Joy.

 What's your #oneword?