The List: Womanly Wisdom for my Daughters in Preparation for my Untimely Demise

Today was not a great day.  There was no one thing that classified the day as "bad" but all the little setbacks, disappointments, glitches, and worries worked together to push this day right into that "bad" category.  After I finished up dinner dishes and threw together the steak marinade for tomorrow night, I contemplated my options.  I considered putting on some work-out clothes and tennis shoes and going for a 'run' to simultaneously work toward one of my many summer goals and engage in a healthy stress reliever.  I considered that for about 30 seconds. Then I grabbed two chocolate chip cookies, slathered one with peanut butter, and put them together to create the tastiest sandwich cookie in the land.  If you're going to cheat on your healthy diet, you may as well go all out.

My daughter had baked the cookies yesterday and did a nice job. However, when I took a bite, I noticed that the cookie was more crunchy than chewy.  Whatever recipe she used must have called for butter as its only fat.  Many recipes either use butter or shortening, but rarely do they advise bakers to use both.  As I was crunching through the cookie, I made a mental note to tell my daughter that in order to get the right balance of crunchy and chewy, you have to go half and half with butter and shortening.  If you only use butter, it's just a tidge too crispy.  If you only use shortening, the cookie is too soft and doesn't have enough crunch to be satisfying.  

Then, I pictured my lanky, almost 15 year old daughter and realized that I have three years in which to share all of my wisdom before she sets off for whatever journey awaits her in adulthood.  [Sidebar: Please, Lord, let her adventures be glorious and her challenges be significant enough to make her grow but not so large as to suffocate her spirit.] I began to tick off all of those nuggets of wisdom I have learned in my now many years of life and wondered how many of them I have remembered to pass on to this next generation of women. It's so easy to take this time for granted; it feels as though they will be in my clutches care forever.  However, when they were babies it felt like we had all the time in the world to figure all of this stuff out and I swear that was just last week.  Plus, given the way my life has gone in the past year or so, I'm due for some other tragic accident any day now.  I realized that I really need to give my kids a crash course on womanly wisdom and common sense because you just.never.know.  

What follows is a completely incomplete, thrown together by the seat of my pants, list of all the things my girls just need to know (in no particular order):

1. Wash your face everyday...even when you don't want to.
2. When applying moisturizer, don't forget to put some on your neck.  Your skin may be taut and firm right now, but you too will get old one day.
3. Wear sunscreen.  Always. (we are redheads)
4. Applying a hair product that changes your hair color more than two shades should only be done with professional help (this bit of wisdom is courtesy of the "strawberry blonde" I decided to try back in college).
5. Always admit you were speeding when you get pulled over and apologize for inconveniencing the police officer.
6. Fold bathroom towels in thirds - they stack more nicely that way.
7. If you drip wax on something, you can remove it by running an iron over a paper towel placed on the wax.  The wax melts and sticks to the paper towel.
8. Boys are dumb.  True story.
9. You'll probably like boys sometime.  Just pick the least dumb one you can find.  Unless you don't like boys, and that's cool too.  Just make sure whoever you pick deserves your awesomeness.
10. Return library books on time - those fees add up.
11. Don't go to timeshare presentations even if they promise you a gas card, a million dollars, and a royal title.  It's all a scam.
12. Imitation vanilla is a poor substitute for the real thing.  Spring for the real vanilla.
13. We are not direct sales people.  Don't fall for the "I made enough money selling cookware/supplements/scrapbooking supplies that we now own Disneyland" schpiel.  Some people are good at selling stuff.  We are not.  Trust me.
14. When wearing sandals or pumps to a party, bring a pair of socks with you in case your feet get cold and to avoid feeling weird walking around someone's house in your bare feet.
15. Keep plastic bags handy in your car.  Trust me.  You will use them for a variety of things.
16. Plan your meals for the week.  For real.  I know it's boring and tedious and a hassle, but you save money and then you actually cook.  
17. Don't buy the cute shoes that only come in a size that is just slightly too big/too small.  You will never wear them and they will just be cute in your closet.
18. Keep a travel size stick of deodorant in your office desk drawer.  
19. If you want to eat the cantaloupe right away, buy the one that is still firm but smells like cantaloupe.  
20. Buy a good bra that you have fit by someone who knows what they are doing.  
21. Wear the swimsuit and go swimming with your kids.  They don't care that your thighs are dimpled and that your butt is a little big.  They will tell you both of those things when you try a swimsuit on in a dressing room, but they are just pointing out the obvious.  #nojudgment
22. Buy the extra-big jug of white vinegar.  You can use it for just about everything.
23. If you are thinking you should maybe not send that e-mail/message/text, for the love of God, don't do it.
24. He's not worth it.  Whatever *it* is, he is not worth it.  You do you, girlfriend.
25. Trust your gut, your grandmother, your mother, and your girlfriends in that order.  They got your back, for sure.

What am I missing?  Help me prepare for my imagined, untimely and tragic demise by filling in the blanks for my daughters.  Their lives may not actually depend upon it, but my ability to sleep tonight just might.