Don't Wait for the Letter of Recommendation
In the past few months, I have been asked to help craft letters of application and/or to write letters of recommendations for several people - fellow colleagues, former students, even my little sister. Each time I've been asked, I feel privileged and blessed to be asked to share my thoughts about this person with someone who might hold the key to their future livelihood. I mean, what better compliment can you get? There is a lot of trust involved when someone asks for your recommendation and I don't take that lightly.
I was just working on a couple letters yesterday and in my search for past letters I'd written, I also found some letters that had been written for me when I was applying for a job in another school in another town. The letters are a year old and I'd forgotten that they even existed. As I read the words my colleagues and administrator had written on my behalf, I felt tears spring to my eyes. [Sidebar: I know, I cry easily.] These were not canned, pre-scripted letters of recommendation that one would write for just anyone. I felt the genuine admiration and respect my colleagues felt for me with every word and I felt encouraged and motivated to keep on doing the work that I do. One year later, and those words still had an impact.
This morning, I was going for a walk (that was supposed to be a run) and I was thinking about the letters I had written and the letters that had been written on my behalf. I was thinking about how good it felt to read those words. I was thinking about the colleague who told me that the words I'd written had brought tears to her eyes. Then I thought what a shame it was that we waited until someone was ready to move on to let them know how much we value them. I wish I had told my friends, my colleagues, former students, and my sister how much I admired their character, their contributions, and their accomplishments. I wish I had let them know just how much I respect them. I wish I didn't wait until they were ready to move on to let them know these things.
I've often been accused of being someone who wants "everyone to get a medal." People who accuse me of this are mistaken. The "everyone gets a medal" mentality means that praise, awards, etc. are given to people with no regard to what their contributions really are. That's not what I'm talking about at all. I'm talking about noticing the unique, admirable traits we appreciate in others and then actually telling them that we notice. There is not one word I have written in the many letters I've composed through the years that I did not absolutely mean with my whole heart.
Unfortunately, there have been so many times that I've appreciated the work that colleagues have done and failed to let them know about my admiration. I suppose it's one of those situations in which we assume others know how we feel. Maybe they do know or can at least guess how we feel, but there is something really inspiring and motivating in hearing the words actually said out loud or reading them written in actual print.
This goes further than just noticing the hard work of my colleagues. All too often my students or my own children do things that deserve praise or commendation, yet I am silent. Not always, but all too often, I point out mistakes and fail to point out the accomplishments. We know that positive behavioral supports work (when done well), yet our very human-ness makes it difficult to accentuate the positive with the frequency that our children and students need and deserve. That is a shame.
I am hopeful that this train of thought will take me to a destination that is more thoughtful, kind, and encouraging. I am hopeful that I will no longer wait for the formal letters of recommendation and instead remember to give those accolades along the way. I am hopeful that more often than not, people will feel appreciated and valued for the real accomplishments and successes they've achieved. I am hopeful that our culture will shift away from pointing fingers and toward extending friendly open hands.
I just keep hoping.
I was just working on a couple letters yesterday and in my search for past letters I'd written, I also found some letters that had been written for me when I was applying for a job in another school in another town. The letters are a year old and I'd forgotten that they even existed. As I read the words my colleagues and administrator had written on my behalf, I felt tears spring to my eyes. [Sidebar: I know, I cry easily.] These were not canned, pre-scripted letters of recommendation that one would write for just anyone. I felt the genuine admiration and respect my colleagues felt for me with every word and I felt encouraged and motivated to keep on doing the work that I do. One year later, and those words still had an impact.
This morning, I was going for a walk (that was supposed to be a run) and I was thinking about the letters I had written and the letters that had been written on my behalf. I was thinking about how good it felt to read those words. I was thinking about the colleague who told me that the words I'd written had brought tears to her eyes. Then I thought what a shame it was that we waited until someone was ready to move on to let them know how much we value them. I wish I had told my friends, my colleagues, former students, and my sister how much I admired their character, their contributions, and their accomplishments. I wish I had let them know just how much I respect them. I wish I didn't wait until they were ready to move on to let them know these things.
I've often been accused of being someone who wants "everyone to get a medal." People who accuse me of this are mistaken. The "everyone gets a medal" mentality means that praise, awards, etc. are given to people with no regard to what their contributions really are. That's not what I'm talking about at all. I'm talking about noticing the unique, admirable traits we appreciate in others and then actually telling them that we notice. There is not one word I have written in the many letters I've composed through the years that I did not absolutely mean with my whole heart.
Unfortunately, there have been so many times that I've appreciated the work that colleagues have done and failed to let them know about my admiration. I suppose it's one of those situations in which we assume others know how we feel. Maybe they do know or can at least guess how we feel, but there is something really inspiring and motivating in hearing the words actually said out loud or reading them written in actual print.
This goes further than just noticing the hard work of my colleagues. All too often my students or my own children do things that deserve praise or commendation, yet I am silent. Not always, but all too often, I point out mistakes and fail to point out the accomplishments. We know that positive behavioral supports work (when done well), yet our very human-ness makes it difficult to accentuate the positive with the frequency that our children and students need and deserve. That is a shame.
I am hopeful that this train of thought will take me to a destination that is more thoughtful, kind, and encouraging. I am hopeful that I will no longer wait for the formal letters of recommendation and instead remember to give those accolades along the way. I am hopeful that more often than not, people will feel appreciated and valued for the real accomplishments and successes they've achieved. I am hopeful that our culture will shift away from pointing fingers and toward extending friendly open hands.
I just keep hoping.
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