The Land of Tweendom

One of my favorite things of all time is just hanging out with my kids and their friends.  I don't mean that I plop down among them and try to *be* one of them, because that's weird.  When I say "hanging out," I mean I load them all up in a car, take them for pizza and a movie let them sit in their own row so they can be independent and cool.  I mean that I fix the snacks and quietly tidy up behind them and give consultation when requested.  I mean that I listen to the silly raps they create or watch the hilarious youtube videos they instruct me to watch with breathless giggles.  I mostly lurk in the periphery because entrance into tweendom really is by invitation only.

I feel really lucky  that I occasionally get invited into the inner domain of tweendom because not every adult gets that luxury.  I actually hesitated writing this blog post because I didn't know if it would take me off the coveted invite list.  Then I remembered that Middle Daughter's generation is so young that Facebook really, actually is for old people and they don't even have or want an account.  They don't even tweet, really (and that seemed newfangled when I started that up a year ago).  They DM on instagram and send snapchats and I don't even know what else.  I probably should know those things, but it can be hard to keep up.  In any event, I realized that they would never even actually know about this post because they don't use the same technology I do because I really am getting officially old.  So, friends, let's just keep this post on the "down low," shall we?  Tweendom doesn't need to hear about it, right?  I'm glad we're all on the same page.

Today, Middle Daughter has a friend sleeping over.  We did do a pizza night at a pizza place in our old home town and then enjoyed the new Ghostbusters movie at the local theater with some other friends.  [Sidebar: That movie is HILARIOUS and actually, in my opinion, better than the original.  Plus, girl power, yo.]  When we entered the restaurant, the girls had a strong reaction to the boys their age who were also there.  They *said* they didn't want the boys to notice them, but they got squirmy and giggly and tried to hide under tables.  I pointed out that this behavior made them more noticeable, but then I realized that was sort of the point.  They actually kind of, sort of, wanted the boys to notice them, but not really because ACK!  They are boys!  As we enjoyed our pizza, we visited and laughed, but occasionally they spoke to each other with words and phrases and mannerisms that were unfamiliar.  They were speaking a different language...the language of tweens.  

While they sat in that booth and ate their pizza and giggled together, I took a moment to really just *see* them.  They've all gotten long and lanky and the cheeks once full and round have become a bit more angular.  They carry themselves with the teensiest tidge of awkwardness and self consciousness because it seems they weren't totally prepared for these bodies they suddenly inhabit; they don't quite know what to do with all of those limbs.  Just a few months ago, these girls were playing stuffed animal court in my living room.  They still play those games from time to time,  but they are far more likely to just sit around and talk or play video games or do whatever tweens do.  Toys are not the centerpiece of their get-togethers anymore.  Middle daughter actually gave her dolls to the Littlest Girl this summer and with very little pomp and circumstance in that process.  The transition from girl to woman is well underway.

When the heck did that even start to happen? 

Most of the time, I look at these girls and I still see them as the first graders who wore their hair in long pigtails with gap toothed smiles.  I see the chubby cheeks and plump little hands that would still find their way into mine when we walked down the street.  I expect them to play beauty pageant or house or American Girl Dolls.  I think of them as little girls because I swear that's what they were just two seconds ago.  

Today, however, I held my breath and just really took it all in because magic was happening right before my eyes.  I caught a glimpse of the women they will become.  Women who don't think it's fair that women are objectified and treated poorly.  Women who care about their world and have opinions about politics and current events.  Women who will support one another and love one another in the way that only women can do for one another.  My goodness, how lucky am I to be in on this? To see this magical moment when they stand with one foot in childhood and the other taking it's first tentative step into adulthood? So.very.lucky.  

At the same time, there is a wistfulness and sadness underlying this awe I feel.  Each step into adulthood means they are that much closer to losing the sweet innocence they still enjoy.  Age brings wisdom, but that's usually because the shiznit went down.  As they move through adolescence and become grown up women, they will have heartbreak and despair....like *real* heartbreak and despair.  They will have to make big choices and hard decisions.  They will experience loss and grief and pain because that is life.  Glennon Doyle Melton calls it a "brutiful" life - one that is both brutal and beautiful at the same time.  I look at these girls who still believe in a world that will keep them safe and sheltered and I wonder when it will all change.  When will they learn that in order to enjoy the awesomeness of life, they have to make themselves vulnerable to heartbreak?  

My heart breaks a little bit right now just anticipating the inevitable low moments I know they will have to endure.  The mama bear in me wants to wrap them up in bubble wrap and stand between them and all the pain and hardship.  I would soak up every single drop of that darkness for my girls and their friends if I could.  But, of course, I can't and shouldn't.  They can't be who they are truly meant to be without risk and vulnerability.  Instead I just have to keep lurking on the periphery, offer the guidance I can, and hope and pray that the world will, for the most part, be gentle with them.  

And hold my breath and just soak this magic in.  

I'm so lucky.