Noticing the Noticer and Cheering the Cheerleader

It's 10:18 on a school night, so of course I'm totally in the mood to write something.  Never mind that there are close to a bajillion things to do and I haven't worked out (in weeks) and I really should probably be in bed since I get up at early as heck o'clock in the morning.  Just never mind any of that. 

I've gotten a lot of feedback about several of my blog posts.  Mostly it's from people who want to thank me for being so stupidly honest and forthcoming about how very messed up I am on the inside.  It turns out I'm reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaalllllllyyyyyy good at being human.  Translation: I screw up and act like a jerk pretty much on the daily.  And then I obsess about my own jerkiness and wish for a hole to suck me into vortex to spare the world from any more of my horribleness.  And then I dust myself off and try again.  And then I start the cycle all over again.  

I could write about that again.  I could write about how messed up I am for the next 20 years probably.  There are billions of blog posts on the ready with examples of how utterly human I am and how that looks and feels for me and the people around me.  I totally could write that, but I really don't want to.  There is lots of time for more whining, but right now I want to take a break from my self-centered introspection to give a big, fat shout out to a woman I really, truly admire.  

We aren't close friends at all.  We don't hang out together.  I've never eaten breakfast with her...or any meal for that matter.  We don't call each other on the phone or text each other tidbits about our day.  She's just this girl I've gotten to know because our daughters swim together, are in plays together, and enjoy each other.  We sit in the swimming bleachers and chat or catch each other after plays to visit.  I like her a lot, but we just aren't super good friends.  Even so, I just came home from a swim meet and knew I just had to write a blog post about Kelley because she is a great example of humanity gone right.  

Before I go into how incredibly amazing Kelley is, I need to give some context to how amazing her amazingness really is. Kelley is the mom of two daughters.  Both daughters are beautiful.  They are both intelligent.  They are both spirited and not afraid to speak their minds.  However, there is one important difference between these girls that makes all the difference in the world in many ways.  Kelley's oldest daughter developed typically. She can communicate in ways others readily understand.  She can do tasks that our world has decided are the most beneficial for later "success."  She is able to form friendships and other relationships fairly easily.  In other words, she's a great example of the "above average" Minnesotan children about whom Garrison Keillor tells lovely stories. 

Kelley's younger daughter can definitely communicate, but not everyone can always understand her.  She has enjoyed many successes in her short life, but they can't be measured with the same measuring stick we normally use.  Kelley's younger daughter has a fairly severe form of autism and that makes her a blessing in countless ways, but it also provides challenges for this sweet family. 

Kelley is a mom, and like most moms, she rocks that gig on a daily basis.  When you're facing the challenges that come with severe autism, however, rocking any gig is pretty dang amazing.  Rocking the gig of motherhood when parenting a child with severe autism?  That's more than pretty dang amazing.

But here's the deal...here's why I just had to write this post.  Kelley isn't just an amazing mom who happens to be parenting an autistic child...  She's also a really, really, REALLY good human being.  Really good.  For real.  She is the ultimate real deal in being a good human.

Kelley is a Noticer.  She notices things that I don't notice and then she points them out to me in the most beautifully kind way.  When we are at swim meets, she will notice our daughters doing something really cute and sweet together and she will nudge me to help me notice that sweetness.  She notices the picture perfect moments from across a swimming pool or school cafeteria and then captures them with  her camera...and then she will share those pictures with other moms.  She notices that maybe we forgot our phones or they ran out of battery power before intermission or that we are too busy trying to even figure out where our kids even are to take pictures.  Using her camera and her gift for noticing, she captures the moments we miss and then shares them with us with no judgment whatsoever for our not noticing.  She notices when kids look proud or happy or when they swim a few seconds faster than they normally swim.  It's normal for most of us to notice those things when our own children are doing them, but she notices every child.  I love that she notices.  I love that she shares the things she notices.  She inspires me to be a better Noticer.

Kelley is also a Cheerleader.  She's not that annoyingly peppy person who wants you to get excited about nothing.  She's not that kind of cheerleader at all.  Instead, she's the kind of cheerleader who will go out of her way to cheer for your kid because your kid is friends with her kid...even when her kid is swimming against your kid in that event.  She reads every single Facebook post that her Facebook friends write and she comments on nearly all of them.  On top of that, the comments are always thoughtful and genuine.  She wishes other people's kids a happy birthday, comments on their bright smiles, and hits the "like" button liberally...and she means every single keystroke.  I love that about her. I love that she takes time out of her day to cheer on all the good things.  

On top of all of that...  On top of noticing all the things and cheering all the people, she does her life with a quiet and calm serenity that makes you forget how dang hard it probably is every day.  She is eternally positive.  She is kind to others and listens to us whine and moan about our piddly problems on Facebook and in real life and never once does she play the autism card.  She totally could play that card and that card would trump all the cards we have in our hands most of the time.  Instead she keeps that card close.  She lives her life and mothers her girls and gives them opportunities and celebrates their successes and talks about their challenges and... In the midst of all that normal "momming" it becomes easy for the rest of us to forget or not notice how dang amazing she is at this gig.  She makes mothering look easy when it is anything but easy for any of us, but especially not for her, probably.

So here I am wanting to write something and all I can think about is more whining.  I can only think about how hard my life is (it is) and how horrible I am as a human (I totally am) and how many mistakes I make every day (too many to count) and that's all the reality I know how to share from my own world right now.  But, Kelley?  Oh, man...Kelley...  She's my actual hero tonight because she reminds me to notice all the lovely things even when life feels like it's one incident away from utter disaster.  She's my hero because she makes everyone feel like they matter.  She's my hero because she inspires me to be greater and better and kinder because she is greater and better and kinder than most people I know.  

Keep on rocking, Kelley.  Even though I'm not a good noticer, I did notice you and you are amazing.