A Lifestyle of Joy

For the first time in my life, I am a commuter.  My daughters and I live 30 minutes away from our work and school and most of our life actually, so we spend a great deal of time in the car.  The drawbacks to this arrangement are obvious: less time being active, less time at home, more gas used (sorry, environment, but there is no mass transit connecting rural towns in Minnesota), longer days, etc.  

While those things are a bit of a bummer, true to my Pollyanna form, I've been able to recognize the unexpected perks that come with this extra time in my car.  Rather than rushing out the door and rushing right into our day, we head out the door to settle in to the car for a solid 30 minutes of down time.  Although I am driving at that time and that is not necessarily always stress free (hello, icy rain), I do get to have nice conversations with my girls each morning.  I get to listen to more MPR (yes, I'm a nerd) and enjoy music on the radio for a longer period of time.  Sometimes I'm alone in the car and I have the freedom to just think.  I get to be by myself and just contemplate things from the mundane to the really big philosophical stuff that my complicated soul craves.

Lots of time in the car with these two goofballs.

On a recent solitary car ride, I spent a great deal of time thinking about happiness and how to get to the place where happiness lives.  It has always felt that happiness was a destination and that getting there was like the game Candyland; if we followed the right path and avoided the muddy spots, we'd get to the promised land and that would be that.  But, of course, it's not really that simple.  Happiness isn't actually the destination, but is more something you pack for your journey.  

So the question really is how to make sure you don't accidentally forget to pack happiness on those many trips around the sun?  We try in so many ways - by buying new stuff, going certain places, being involved in certain things.  Those things *can* bring happiness, but not always.  What we think we *should* do to live full lives are often things that actually rob me (and maybe all of us) of true happiness.  

As I was contemplating all of this, I began to think about the "stuff" in my life that brings me joy - real, true, joy.  Obviously this project is one of those things, but like Veruca Salt, I wanted more.  As I went through the inventory of things that fill my life or used to fill my life, I landed on a few things that I knew were what brought me joy.  I figured that if I unconsciously smiled to myself as I thought about something, it was definitely something that brought joy into my world.  What follows is my best emulation of one of my favorite movie characters, Maria Von Trapp - a list of my favorite things:

• Deep connections with people dear to me ~ My love language is definitely quality time and I love having the time to spend with people I care about to just be with and enjoy each other.

• Mothering ~ I don't mean the crazy thing we call parenting in 2016.  I mean those precious moments of connection and love which include tucking in my sweet girls at night, reading a book together, enjoying a family tv show and laughing together, discussing life and their days, and the most precious moments when they turn to me to mend their broken hearts.  

• Communal Contemplation ~ I get a tremendous amount of joy from talking about big ideas and theories and heady, nerdy topics with people who also crave those kinds of conversations.  

• Laughing ~ I love the feeling of having something tickle my fancy and cause me to have not just a chuckle, but a good old fashioned belly laugh.  

• Making things pretty ~ I get a huge sense of satisfaction from doing things like picking out fabric and paint color, creating something new out of something old, arranging things to be pretty, and putting together a cute outfit.

• Reading ~ I have shared my love of reading before, so I won't elaborate too much on this one.  Sometimes I read something, most often poetry, and it causes this vibration in my soul.  That, to me, is true joy.

• Art ~ I love to make art and I love to be around art.  I could spend my entire life wandering through the Minneapolis Institute of Art (I just can't call it Mia yet) and soaking in all of the beauty.  I feel like viewing art is engaging in communal contemplation through a visual pathway.

• Music ~ I think better, feel better, and am much more productive with a soundtrack behind the scenes of my life.  

• Food ~ I've written about this before as well.  Cooking and experimenting with food brings me so much joy, I can hardly even stand it.

• Fresh Air ~ My soul is cleansed with every breath of outside air, I'm sure of it.  

• Gardening ~ I am a terrible gardner.  I have no idea what I'm doing and when things grow well in my garden, it's probably in spite of me.  But, I enjoy it a great deal.  There is something so satisfying about creating your own food from the very beginning.  

• Learning ~ I love, love, love learning about new things, new cultures, new ideas, etc.  Thank you TED talks for giving me a concise way to do that on a regular basis!

• Bringing the Good ~ This is a phrase I picked up from my days of leading a service learning student group.  My heart yearns for opportunities to improve the world and battle injustice.  

The hard thing is that so often the other "stuff" that we should do squeezes out the time we have to do the stuff we love.  Those "shoulds" are still important and have a place in our lives, but for too long I've allowed them to take over and not allowed myself the space and time and energy to do the things on this list.  

However, when I skim through this list, I also note that most of these things don't really take that much time and certainly don't have to be expensive.  I've been living the lie that my individual aspirations have to be put on the backburner for the greater good of my work and my family.  But the truth is, that moving forward in my personal journey has to include things from this list if I want to be able to have my own children think about my life and unconsciously smile to themselves.

A candid snapped by my littlest little.  This is how I want to be remembered by my girls - as a joyful woman.

I know I have a little audience following this blog (Thank you, by the way) and I'd love to hear from you.  Are you stuck in this same rut that I am currently in or have you figured out a way to pack happiness into your knapsack? What are the things that bring you joy and make you smile in spite of yourself? How can we all work to create a culture that supports this rather than continue to support one that requires us to lose ourselves to the system?

When I die (a long, long, long time from now, hopefully), I want people to remember me as someone who lived a life of joy and who brought goodness and happiness into the world.  My commitment to myself is to start really living a life that will accomplish that goal and I can start by continuing to invest my time into myself a little bit more often. I invite you to do the same. 

Hopefully yours,

Sara Renee